Current mood:

depressed

So it has been awhile
So things haven’t been going so great. Me and Mattie broke up, but I knew that was going to happen. It’s just, he seems to blame me for everything that went wrong and I know it wasn’t me but how I felt and how he acted. In the end, I’m pretty much left heart broken and alone. I realize that I won’t be dating for a long time and I will be spending most of that long time alone on my computer, where most of my life seems to be now. I have no real friends here, and sometimes I think I never really had a lot of friend in Edmonton either, just people I knew and I don’t know if I just enjoy being alone, or if I’m just meant to be alone. I mean its not fair Mattie is dating another girl already. If he can get over it, why cant I? Why can’t I find some nice boy who will buy me flowers and do random things with me? Someone who will cuddle with me and hold my hand and make me feel loved? Why must I always feel alone? It’s just not fair.
He tells me I’m jealous of his girlfriend, but I’m really just jealous that he is moving on so fast and I can’t.
In other non-bitchy emo news, I went to my first rave with Emily a while ago and to another one in Calgary as well. I miss her so much, and her new boyfriend is so good for her. I glad she is finally happy in a relationship.
I went and saw Nine Inch Nails last night with my friend Molly who I hadn’t seen in ages. By the second opening act we had both managed to sneak on the floor with one ticket. I must say we are a pretty amazing team.
My JA Company Polarium is going pretty well too. One of our members just made a $1600 or so sale. So we shall be busy all weekend working on that order. I shall bring candy for everyone, because hyper children are productive children. Plus I’ve started working on the business cards and the website (which is pretty fun; I haven’t used flash for ages!!).
School is ok, scary though as I have my grad pictures on Monday :S Its just coming at me so fast. But now with me not having a boyfriend I don’t have to worry about that. I am free to move to Victoria for schooling and hopefully London some time after that. Victoria will be super nice, If I go to Simon Fraser (which I am planning) I can do two majors with my Bcom! One in marketing and another in psychology. What a scary mix, don’t you think!?
Anyways, I should go now… I shall try and write more often, even though I know no one reads this anyways. But it is a good way for me to vent I guess.

Erin